


Windshield Time

by random0factor



Series: Vinaigrettes [1]
Category: Half Live VR But The AI Is Self-Aware
Genre: Benrey lived under a rock, Car drives, Dialog heavy, Dr. Coomer and Bubby are mentioned, Half-Life VR But the AI is Self-Aware, Joshua - Freeform, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Road Trips, Sinclair gas stations, Slight Transphobia, T for Benrey's language, Tommy Coolatta - Freeform, Trans Gordon Freeman, and therefore knows nothing about the world outside of Black Mesa, but NOT the fun kind, for now, no beta we die like men, not so much action, one-sided Benrey/Gordon Freeman, the guy is an asshole anyway but it's there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25970995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/random0factor/pseuds/random0factor
Summary: Gordon Freeman finally gets a week to see his son - as dictated by court order - six months after the Black Mesa incident. It's a four-hour round trip to pick up little Joshua, but he's not going alone - he's got Benrey along for the ride. The thing about long car rides, though, is that they make him think, and they make him talk. Benrey learns a lot about Dr. Gordon Freeman in the two hours it takes to get to his ex's house.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Series: Vinaigrettes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970863
Comments: 25
Kudos: 295





	1. Shut up and Drive

Gordon Freeman shook as he tried to get the keys in the ignition, trying - failing - flailing, the keys falling to the floorboards. His hands shook as a sound - was it a sob? Was it something else? - came through his lips.

“Bro, just - just let me get the -” Benrey batted Gordon’s hands away from the center console, leaning over to pick the keys up off the floor. “I don’t understand why you’re so nervous. It’s your kid. Of course they’re gonna fukken - uh - fuckin’ love seeing you.”

“It’s been six months.” Gordon’s voice started at a normal volume and raised to a fever pitch, hitting some high frequency that made Benrey’s ears twitch.

“I still don’t understand this obsession you have with time, bro.”

“Listen - just because you’re an Eldritch beast that can live for millenia -” Gordon realized Benrey was holding out the keys, had been for a minute, and snatched them with his prosthetic hand, “Doesn’t mean the rest of us can, okay? I’ve got - I’ve got a little bit of time on this planet with my son, and I have _already_ spent _most_ of it away from him.”

“Dude - you’re, uh, stuttering more than me now.” Benrey turned his head to the window and burped into a closed fist, trying to be considerate. It was one of those Manners things the old men would rail him about. “Cringe, bro.”

“I…” Gordon took a deep breath. Somehow, comparing the way Gordon acted to the way Benrey existed in any way was able to make him do an about face. His hands still shook as he turned on the car, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been. At least this way Benrey didn’t have to worry about being driven into a ditch. “I appreciate you coming with me.” 

“Pog.” Benrey kept looking out the window. He used the reflection to keep a closer eye on Gordon; for some reason, Gordon would freak out if he just… Kept lookin’ at him, so he looked at the window instead. Reflections worked almost as well.

“I - I’m not worried about my son.” Gordon finally admitted about five minutes later. It was five minutes into a two-hour-one-way road trip. Barely one-twentyfourth of the way to wherever the blazes Gordon’s ex-wife lived.

“You’re, fucking, pulling my leg, dude. If you think I’m gonna believe that.” Benrey picked at his nose - he didn’t _pick_ his nose, he picked _at_ his nose, thank you very much - but apparently it looked gross or something to Gordon, who reached over and slapped his hand. “Fuckin-A, dude, can’t a - a fuckin’ gamer get an itch?”

“Use a napkin.” Gordon fluttered his hand at the door panel, where an absolutely absurd amount of absorbent paper products had been shoved in the nooks and crannies. Benrey shrugged and went to pull one out, picking for a plush white one in the middle - one of those thick fancy ones from good restaurants, not that he’d ever been. Wendy’s was about as far as he’d gotten. 

He didn’t know if it was the deterioration of the material after being in the hot sun for the three months they dealt with Black Mesa’s bullshit or what, but the thing just… puffed in his hand. He reached further down and pulled harder, getting a bigger pinch. He pulled too hard.

“Jesus Christ, dude!” Gordon exclaimed, quickly rolling the windows up. It was like a fucking scene from _Michael_ in the Corolla as napkins fluttered everywhere, but when the feathery bullshit died down with the wind, Benrey was still in the front seat. _Shit,_ Gordon thought. He'd said it out loud.

“You think I’m some kinda angel? Some kinda holy spirit? I’ll get your wife pregnant, for sure, dude.” Benrey had been learning a lot more about humans since they got the fuck out of Black Mesa. Sure, G-Man had kept him locked up for a really long time, but he was cool now. He did his time, took his punishment, then he got out. He picked up all the napkins and shoved them back into their own purgatory, where they fucking belonged.

He could still feel the tingle of electricity. It was only fitting that he clean up the problem he caused. G-Man had made sure there was no way for anything else to come through. Made sure Benrey made sure. Benrey shook his hand and rolled down his window again.

Where was he? Oh yeah, religion. Learning that stuff had been a _trip_. He wasn’t sure he believed any of it - but nothing was weirder than accidentally subsuming the power of the universe and then getting bitchslapped by the only other being who had ever done it. Bubby and Coomer had gotten through most of the Abrahamic religions with him, and he was gonna start reading up on other, older religions when they got back. Probably. If Heavenly Sword 2 hadn’t been delivered yet.

“... Who told you I had a wife?” Gordon asked, and Benrey looked over. Oh yeah, he was in a car right now. He stretched a little bit.

“Coomer said that’s how most hhh, humans, reproduce, right?” Benrey took a deep breath, speaking over the increase in air as they reached the highway. “A nuclear family, elementary family or conjugal family is a family group consisting of two parents and their children - start parenthesis - one or more - end parenthesis. It is in contrast to a single-parent family, the larger extended family, or a family with more than two parents. Nuclear families typically center on a married couple which may have any number of children -”

“Okay, I fucking get it.” Gordon ran his real hand through his hair and Benrey watched. He made sure to blink every once in a while. He had been told that was why Gordon didn’t like his staring, but he didn’t think it was staring. “Listen…”

“And I heard from Tommy that a man and a woman are needed for a - uh - _bay-bee_ , and also that until recently, only men and women were able to get marred, so-”

“Married, and yeah, you’re right, but -”

“Which means that you had a wife, right?” Benrey was confident in his logic. Joshua was eight or nine years old now, which meant Gordon had scored some epic chick back in his college days, or something. How old was Gordon, again?

“You’re - fucking - speeding, dude. Living in the fassst lane.” Benrey pointed at the speedometer. Gordon tapped his breaks, mumbling under his breath. They slowed to the cruising speed, Gordon rolled up the window, put on the window lock. Benrey fucking hated that lock. He liked feeling the wind on his face. Tommy and him and Sunkist would all stick their heads out the window and breathe in the world, living life like it was meant to be lived. 

“...Why did I bring you instead of Tommy?” Gordon muttered to the steering wheel. Benrey didn’t know why, it wasn’t like the car could talk - hell, Gordon freaked out any time it made an “unusual” noise, so it wasn’t like he _wanted_ it to talk. 

“Tommy’s got - uh - his second dissertation due in a few weeks, remember?”

“Oh, right. How’s that going?”

“Absolutely poggers. Crazy good gamer moments, all over the place.” Benrey turned back to the window. “Actually, he mentioned that he found one of your, uhh, old, fuckin’, research papers -”

“And that’s enough of that!” Gordon always got flustered when they brought up the papers. He wasn’t fucking stupid, so why was he embarassed about the shit he wrote? Benrey didn’t know what the fuck that was all about. “I’m glad he’s getting support from his dad, after being an orphan for so long.” 

_One of us fucking has to,_ Benrey thought, his eyes stuck on a distant wind turbine.

“Wait - what?"

Did he say that out loud?

“Just, uhh… Ditch, man, fucking ditch -” Benrey reached out and pushed the car’s wheels back onto the road, going back over the rumble strips. He was glad that Gordon had slowed so much everybody else was passing him like crazy - nobody around to see that. “Fail, cringe, bro. Epic fail.” He kept his hand on the steerage wheel and made sure Gordon was focused on the road before he let go.

Gordon was silent for probably a whole minute before he spoke again.

“What - and I _cannot_ emphasize this enough - the _fuck?!_ \- did you just say?!” Gordon seethed. 

“Pretty hot.” Benrey said, sending Gordon into another fit. He couldn't tell if it was laughter or coughing.

“No, no no no no no - You’re not getting out of this one.” Gordon hissed, giving Benrey a couple glances. He was focusing on the road for the most part, at least. Benrey considered that a win. “What the fuck did you mean by that?”

“Uhh. Just what I - what I fukken said, bro.” Benrey paused, looked out the window, back at Gordon. He didn’t - he _couldn’t_ \- say another word.

“No. You said _‘one of us’_ , like, something else like you.” Gordon’s left hand wasn’t as good at reaching his right temple, but he rubbed both sides of his head nonetheless. “What the _fuck_ does that mean?”

“It means what it means.” Benrey smacked his lips.

“I - Am I getting this right? Tell me if I’m right or not.” Gordon had gotten better at reading when Benrey wasn’t able to actually talk about shit, which was great, because he wasn’t able to talk about this shit. “You and Tommy are both fucking - experiments from Black Mesa led by G-Man.”

“Epic take, bro. Epic story. Tell me again, bro.” Benrey grinned. Gordon wasn’t stupid.

“What the -” Gordon looked to his mirror and got over to pass the car they had come up on. Benrey looked at the other people in the car as they passed - just another shitty suburban family out for a drive, headed to god-knows-where. He made eye contact with a kid in the back and stuck out his tongue.

They - that little fucker flipped him off!

No fucking Manners, anywhere. Benrey’s jaw fell open and stayed open as they passed, staring at the kid. 

“Hey, does your kid flip people off?” Benrey asked suddenly.

“What the fuck?” Gordon messed with his ponytail. Man, he was fuckin’ fidgety today.

“These kids have no fucking manners.” Benrey pointed out the window, but they had already passed the miniature vanagon and were pulling away.

“... You can’t distract me that easily. I’m on to your fucking tricks.” Gordon said under his breath, a small smile on his face. Okay, that was weird, but whatever. “Okay.”

He took a _deep_ breath.

“So you and Tommy - and Bubby, and probably Dr. Coomer, are all experiments ran by G-Man in Black Mesa. And Tommy is the only one to get his blessing, for some reason?”

“He’s the only one who is exceptional, yeah.” Benrey said. “Fukken, some kinda racket. He creates this immortal dog and that’s not enough to catch G-Man’s attention, but helping you - uh -”

“Somehow, working with me brought him to G-Man’s attention. How the fuck…?” Gordon kept his eyes on the road, obviously processing everything. “So, wait. If you’re not human, and you’re an experiment…”

Gordon trailed off, but Benrey knew he’d given him enough hints, however unintentionally. He was smart, after all. “Dude, don’t get all, uh, cringe and shit, on me.” Benrey said, fiddling with the fan controls. The air conditioning didn’t work, but he could at least get some air flow since Gordon Controlman locked the windows.

…

It was about five minutes later when Gordon spoke up.

“Holy fucking shit. Bubby - we know Bubby is a test tube baby, probably cloned from someone, and there’s - like, he’s weird - but he’s not _Benrey_ weird. And then Dr. Coomer’s from the outside world - he was out of Black Mesa, he got married and divorced - fuck, he’s just like me-” Gordon gave a little cackle. Things that made him similar to the Science Team were good. Things that made him similar to Benrey were bad. Benrey frowned out the window. “So Dr. Coomer is probably not too fucked up, but those _clones -_ I wonder how the fucking clones figure into it. How old were they? Were they fast-grown? Where they... but Bubby - Bubby is less human than I first thought, and you and Tommy are pretty similar? To each other, not to Bubby.”

Gordon looks at him and the smile on his face takes Benrey’s breath away.

“... Right, Benrey? I’m getting warmer, right?”

“Pffff, no, I turned the - the fuckin’ fan on so it wouldn’t get hotter in here.” Benrey looked away.

“About the theory, not - not physically.” Gordon groaned.

“Oh, yeah. You’re pretty - pretty hot.”

“I’m gonna ignore the other connotations of that…” Gordon sighed. “So Tommy probably has powers like you and G-Man. I wonder if he’s working on those.”

“Poggers, bro.” Benrey looked back out his closed window and sighed. There weren’t anymore trees or buildings around for him to clearly see Gordon’s reflection, so he just stared at the two clouds in the distance. 

“Shit - Man, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to -”

“No, it’s fine, Feetman.” Benrey said with a smirk. He kept staring out the window at those two clouds, willing them to come closer. Come _closer…_

“I’m not - fucking - don’t call me that in front of Joshua, right?” Gordon sighed. Benrey faintly saw him push a stray strand of hair out of his face.

Fuck, he was so beautiful.

“Anyway, that’s - that’s the fuckin - Family tree, there.” Benrey sunk into his seat.

Gordon nodded, silent. He was silent for another five or so minutes before speaking up again. They were almost one-fourth of the way through this ride. The first half of it.

Benrey groaned at the same time Gordon opened his mouth to say something, drowning out the quiet words. The clouds hadn’t come any closer - if he was right, he thought they might even be getting further away. Fukken power-sucking G-Man... 

“I fucking hate G-Man.” He mumbled at the same time that Gordon tried again. “Wait, what? What the fuck is ‘trains’?”

“I’m _trans_!” Gordon shouted.

“Don’t have to shout, man, I’m right fucking _ear_.” Benrey rubbed his ears under his baseball cap. “What’s trans?”

“Okay. So.” Gordon was blushing. What was he embarrassed by? “What do you know about human - uh - genders?”

“I know what men and women are, bro. Cringe.” Benrey laughed. “What do trains have to do with that?”

“It’s not -” Gordon sighed. He took a second and sighed again. “I give up. It doesn’t matter.”

“Nah, dude, you can’t just blueball me with train knowledge. I wanna know the secret about trains-genders.” Benrey grinned.

“If you really want to know, I want you to listen. Like, actually listen. Because you’re being a rude piece of shit, and this is important to me.” Gordon said. He shot Benrey a glance. “Got it?”

“Aye-aye, captain Factman.” Benrey settled in for a lecture. He got a lot of these lately. He didn’t know why Freeman was getting so pissy about this topic in particular, but it had the same kinda stress and sharp to his voice that he had back in Black Mesa. That meant it was probably fucking important, Benrey _guesses_. He almost huffs.

“Okay. So humans are born with two different sets of -”

“Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina.” Benrey quoted some movie from Gordon’s collection of shitty movies and gets a surprised laugh out of him. Good. “I’ve got a, hhhh, huge, fucking massive -”

“That’s great, Benrey, so happy for you.” Gordon grit his teeth. 

Why the fuck had he agreed to let Benrey live with him?

Oh yeah, the massive paycheck directly from G-Man for “keeping an eye” on the errant Eldritch. Kept him out of the poor house while he tried to get back on his feet by other means. It didn’t hurt that he still lived close enough to Tommy and Dr. Coomer to pawn him off when he needed a break… normally.

“Anyway! Moving on. Yes, most humans fit into two gender categories based on their sex characteristics. But there are people who grow up and decide that they don’t like living their life as what they were told they were. They’re called _transgender_ , or _trans_ for short.” Gordon took a breath. It wasn’t the conversation he expected to have today, but he was gonna have it, apparently. He’d opened this can of worms, now he had to lie in it. “Growing up, I was told I was a woman. In high school, I met a man, thought I fell in love, and had a kid when I turned 18 - like, almost to the day. But the entire time - my whole life - I felt wrong. I thought that doing that would make me better, cure my - my brain. But it didn’t. It just made it worse. I divorced my ex-husband when I turned 19 and got into college. I changed my name before I was accepted to grad school and I’ve lived as a man since.” 

“Gordo. You’re, uh, lookin… hella intense there, my man.” Benrey said, gesturing to his left hand. It was gripping the wheel so hard the knuckles were white; if the right hand had been real - or a better prosthetic - it would probably look the same. Deflecting normally gave him time to process - but Gordon kept going.

“Hehe. Should have known that wouldn’t faze you at all.” Gordon shook his head and sped up a bit. “I just - I - I was the one who had Joshua. I was his mother. And he’s - he’s grown up with me as a man since he was two years old. He’s the one that got me through the first two years of community college, and then I had to give him up -”

“Couldn’t take him to the crazy frat parties?” Benrey nodded, trying to keep up, but Gordon was going a bit too fast. His brain was made for processing threats quickly, not sensitive information like this.

“No, his - his dad - his other dad, my ex, fought for custody and… and won.”

“Custody?”

“The parent who lives with the kid. It’s called custody by the courts.”

“So…”

“The courts were - are - pretty fucking awful for trans people. I lost a lot of friends, my family sided with him -” Oh, fuck, was he crying? Benrey reached for a napkin, grabbing a shitty brown one. It would do. He put it in Gordon’s left hand, holding onto the steering wheel - 

“That’s fucking shit, bro.” Benrey frowned, or as close as he normally got. His eyebrows got closer together. That was about it.

“Yeah. Pretty - pretty fucking cringe court system.” Benrey froze. Did he just quote him?

“We could always just kill -”

“We are not killing my ex.” Gordon sighed, but it wasn’t the laugh Benrey wanted. He readjusted himself in his seat while Gordon balled up the napkin and threw it into the back seat. “So. Yeah.” Gordon paused, giving Benrey a glance.

“Yeah.” Benrey let go of the wheel and sat back in his seat again. 

He fucking hated Gordon’s ex. Hadn’t ever met him - but he hated him. Gave him hope, though. Gordon had been in a relationship before. Could probably be convinced.

God, this whole normie bullshit was awful. He used to worry about survival. Now he was worrying about heartbreak. Fucking shit.

They lapsed into quiet, ignoring the world as they drove on. Benrey almost focused on the clouds, but he couldn’t get his brain to latch. Everything slid off like water on silicone. He glanced around - wanted stimulation, needed stimulation, something for his brain to even out while he worked on this problem Gordon had given him.

“You thinking ‘bout Coolatta?” Benrey asked, and Gordon shook his head. “Probably should. Probably some - some weird shit, you know? You could figure out about him. Make a new paper or something.”

That got a weak huff out of him.

Gordon didn’t get angry at Benrey as often anymore. Benrey reached out and flicked on the radio, going for the oldies station he remembered from his time in Black Mesa. Eventually a warbling voice filled the cabin, giving his agitated brainwaves something to bounce against. He was finally able to focus a little bit -

“Eh! Hey, no -”

“I’m just turning it down a bit, Benrey.” Gordon said. “I have a headache.”

“Sorry, bro. Fukken - uh, shit fukken sucks.” Benrey pulled his hand back, looking at Gordon’s hand. He still wore a ring. Was it right or left that was romantic? He had no idea.

“Yeah. I think I’ll stop up at this next exit and get a soda or something to drink -” Gordon gave Benrey a glance, but he didn’t say anything. He hadn’t been one of the Science Team shits who ate things out of a vending machine like they were crazy starved.

Wait, had he? He couldn’t remember.

“Get some pain meds or something. I’ve got to get rid of this headache before we get to Joshie.” Gordon rubbed at his eyes again. 

“Cool story, bro.” Benrey said, deadpan as ever. 

“Do you want anything when I go in?” Gordon asked, looking over his shoulder and sliding into the other lane. Just a minute or two more - that meant that the trip was gonna be closer to five hours round trip, and Benrey mentally groaned. There was nothing fun to talk about with _kids_ present. 

“Maybe you can get me a Playsta-”

“No.” Gordon said definitely.

“I’m cool then.”

Benrey still let out a series of _bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb_ ’s when they got close to the gas station. It wasn’t the fun one - the one with like, gumball machines and shit. It had a dinosaur standing outside though. Benrey stared at the dinosaur.

“Come on, I can’t leave you out here alone.” Gordon said, pulling Benrey in. Benrey followed him through the aisles, pausing when he contemplated this versus that for pain meds, what soda he should get -

“Dude. Look.” Benrey pointed at the chip selection. “Poggers.” He grabbed a bag of Doritos and a Tootsie Roll.

“You have the worst tastebuds I’ve ever seen.” Gordon said, leading him to the cashier.

“Wait, bro, you’ve been inside my mouth and you didn’t tell me?”

“What? No, I -”

“I’m seriously wounded, man, I thought we were friends! Bros!” Benrey pleaded. The cashier stared. 

Gordon ripped the Doritos and Tootie Roll out of his hand with a growl and pointed at the car outside. “Go. Now.”

“But _bro_ -”

“ _Now._ ” Gordon pointed at the door this time. He could obey this one. With a smirk, he traipsed out the door, holding it open for a lovely couple who wandered in.

Gordon rubbed his eyes and set his items on the counter. “I’m sorry for my… friend.” He apologized.

“You kidding?” the cashier said, ringing up with the efficiency of years spent on the job. “That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all day. But if you don’t get him off the dinosaur soon, my manager will have a fit.”

“Off the…?” Gordon looked out the window. Then he did a double-take. “Fucking -” he threw his card on the counter and sprinted out the door, almost losing his prosthetic hand to the door handle as he dashed through. “ _BENREY! GET OFF THE FUCKING BRONTOSAURUS, NOW!_ ”


	2. Keep Talking and Keep Driving

Benrey wasn’t upset. He fiddled with the wrapper to his Tootsie Roll, flipping it back and forth but not actually opening it. It was one of those like, rectangular block ones. He liked them. He could fit about - and don’t quote him on this - _about_ fifteen in his mouth. His cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk in a gay porno, but he could do it.

“I can’t fucking belive you.” Gordon sighed, pulling off of the highway. It had been another hour in the car - they’d lost the radio signal and hadn’t been able to find anything quite like it, having to settle for _classic rock_. Benrey glanced at Gordon.

“I said I was sorry, bro.”

“No, not for that.” Gordon actually - wait, was that fucker _smiling_?

“Wait, you’re telling me I did something good? Something cool? Something - hhhh - epic?” Benrey leaned over, Tootsie Roll forgotten.

“I have _no idea_ how you got so high on that dinosaur.” Gordon gave him a smile. Benrey’s lips quirked up, grinning - “But you didn’t have to take the express route down.”

“You said ‘get down right now’, and I live to _serve_.” Wow, that came out a _lot_ more suggestive than he had meant. He wanted it to be a little suggestive, but that was a lot more suggestion. It’s like when he kept squeezing the ketchup bottle, hoping it would give him just _a little_ on his ‘dogs, and instead he ended up coating the dog in an absolute load of sweet red goo. He still ate it, but it wasn’t what he _wanted_. He apparently had difficulty when it came to squeezing things. Oh, Gordon was talking.

“ - jump down from something that high, you’re going to scare a lot of people. This is a ‘manners’ thing, okay, Benrey? We try not to scare normal people who haven’t lived with the same type of shit we’ve gone through.” Gordon paused for breath and turned on another highway, heading almost directly south. That meant that the sun burned through Benrey’s window, searing his face. He turned his baseball cap and pulled it down so it covered his face.

“I get you, Always-rightman.” Benrey said, perfecting his hat and sunvisor placement. He turned to look at Gordon, who turned to look at him. Gordon burst into chuckles at the absurd hat placement. _Glad to be of service,_ Benrey thought, looking forward. 

“Fuck, Benrey.” Gordon gave a sigh, rounding out his laughter. “Just… Try not to unintentionally scare a bunch of people from now on. A normal person wouldn’t have been able to fall from almost fifteen feet and get up without a scratch.”

“Actually, about that…” Benrey held up his hand. Gordon gave him a glance. “I got a boo-boo.”

“You didn’t.”

“I landed wrong.”

“You’re telling me that you dislocated your _finger-_ ”

“Yeah, bro. It - it kinda hurts. A lot.” Benrey didn’t smile. He kept the grin _tightly_ under wraps. Just winding Gordon up…

“Fucking - Should I pull over? We’re getting close. Can you - god, don’t - fucking -” Gordon started swearing and swerving across the highway, looking but trying _not_ to look at Benrey as he took a deliberate hold of his finger and _pulled._

“Fucking-!” Gordon squeezed his eyes shut and Benrey reached over, holding the wheel again.

“Dude, is this like, uhhh, a fucking, _everytime_ thing with you and roadtrips or is this like, a rarity?” Benrey said, glad that the road was almost empty.

“You can’t just _fucking_ do that, Benrey!” Gordon snapped, opening his eyes and staring forward again. Well, two could play at that game. Benrey also turned to look out the windshield, staring out into the afternoon sky. 

It was boring. He turned back to Gordon.

“Did you know blue and orange are complementary colors?” Benrey asked after a second. It didn’t mean anything. He just randomly remembered it from one of his talks with Dr. Coomer and Tommy.

There wasn’t a lot of reason for Art in Black Mesa. Pretty much the biggest Stem fanboys there were, didn’t let any hipsters or art nerds in. It was 100% sciencey nerds, leaving the jocks like Benrey to get assigned to the security team. Hell, it’s not like he could work anywhere else outside of Black Mesa anyway. He wasn’t _technically_ a person. Legally.

Oh, _fuck_ , he’d done it again, Gordon had said something and he hadn’t been listening - 

“Huh?”

“Why the fuck do you bring things up just to forget about them literally a second later?” Gordon asked.

“Uh. Because my brain is just, so damn advanced compared to yours, Thinkman.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. At all.” Gordon sighed and turned onto _yet another_ road.

“Are we fucking there yet?” Benrey asked, flailing. “I’ve done my best, but man, I’m about to fucking lose it like you lost your fucking passport.” 

“I swear, if you say passport one. More. Fucking. Time.” Gordon ground out. Benrey froze in place. Oh, he’d said a bad word.

“Pfffft. Fuck, whatever, dude.” Benrey turned and looked out his window. “... Sorry.”

“Fuck. Just. Don’t bring that shit up again.” Gordon sighed, and it was a bit different from all his other sighs so far. “We’re about half an hour away. If you can make it through this, and the rest of the ride home, I’ll let you play on my computer all day tomorrow, and the next day.” 

“You’ve got yourself a slap-happy, butt-smacking deal.” Benrey put his hand out, waiting for Gordon to shake it. “What? No butt-smacking? Okay, fine, no butt-smacking.” Gordon finally lifted his prosthetic and awkwardly shook Benrey’s hand. 

“I mean, can’t you still teleport?” Gordon asked. “There’s sometimes when you just disappear, and I don’t know where you went or what happened.”

“Not, uh, allowed. Until the shock collar comes off.” Benrey fidgeted, pulling at his dress shirt collar. Gordon had insisted he dress appropriately before he let him in the car, including taking off his prized - if ratty - Playstation hoodie and put on something like a nerd shirt. It reminded him a bit too much of the shirt he had to wear under his armor as a security guard.

“I should have sent Tommy with you.” Benrey mumbled. “Kids love dogs.”

“Maybe next time, if this one doesn’t work out well.” Gordon mumbled.

“Shit, are you saying I was your plan A? Your ace in the hole? Your numero uno-”

“Yes, alright? You were the first one I wanted to bring along.” Gordon cut him off.

“Absolutely - I mean, that’s gay, bro.” Gordon sighed.

“Poggers.” Gordon groaned. “Fucking poggers.”

Benrey stared at him, pulling the poggers face for a few seconds, but when Gordon didn’t look over, he let it drop. He frowned and looked out the window.

“So… like…” Benrey started. He didn’t look away from the clump of trees in the distance, even if it was the wrong angle to see Gordon’s reflection in. “What’s your ex like?”

“God. He’s an asshole.” Gordon started, then _he didn’t stop_. “Fucking piece of shit. Says he’s okay with gay people but doesn’t understand what trans people are, even after almost a decade. Fucking piece of work. He’s been divorced again since we broke up. He made Joshua call his last girlfriend “mom” - fucking dick. He led a smear campaign against me when we broke up. I left him when Joshie was one, and he fought for custody when I admitted to postpartum depression -” Benrey didn’t know what postpartum was, but he knew depression, “- and he, uh, got it because I came out and he got my parents - fucking, get this, right? My parents - the people who raised me - sided with him in the divorce because they thought I was sick. They fucking backstabbed me. And half my friends followed him immediately, and the other half left when I went to MIT - But enough about them. Jason - that’s his name, Jason, he wanted Josh to have the same initial - Jason was bad when we got divorced, but now he’s fucking - uh - he’s super masculine. Like, big weightlifter guy. He started overcompensating when I left him, and when I came out as a man he - haha, he -”

“Fuck, shit, man, are you crying?” Benrey asked, reaching for another napkin.

“Just a bit. Thanks. Yeah, he’s a fucking piece of shit. I don’t know what he’s infected Joshua with in the past six months -”

“Oh yeah. You haven’t been able to deal with that all.” Benrey paused. “That whole _situation_ because of what happened. Do they know the whole truth?”

“No. G-Man gave me a script to feed them, and I’m able to play a lot of it off as PTSD from a traumatic experience, but - man. I’m so glad the judge decided I could get a whole week before he has to go back to school.” Gordon absently handed the napkin back to Benrey, who put it in his pocket. It’s fine. “They think that I was in a coma, and because nobody was able to get through to Black Mesa except for the military -”

“They think you were a prisoner of war?” Benrey asked.

“No, they -”

“They think you were stuck in a transdimensional portal?”

“No, Ben-”

“They think you’re an alien replacement for their family member?”

“Fucking no, Benrey -”

“They think you’re fucking an alien in secret?”

“Fuck - _No,_ Benrey -”

“I don’t have any other ideas.”

“They think -”

“Oh, wait, they think you’re a clone replacement after the real you died!” Benrey pointed his finger at Gordon. That _had_ to be it.

“No! Fucking stop!” Gordon paused, glancing at Benrey. 

“No need to get all, fucking, worked up, Feetman.” Benrey said. 

Gordon inhaled through his nose, exhaled through his mouth. He breathed in blue, and breathed out red. He let his frustration go, one breath at a time. Fuck, were they already at the outskirts? He wasn’t ready for this. He - he wasn’t ready.

“You’re ready, Gordo.” Benrey said, as if he was reading his thoughts. Or maybe he was talking out loud, who knew. “You’ve faced down the entire United States military, you took on Black Mesa nerds with a crowbar, you fucked up some banks -” Oh, fuck, Gordon was glad that G-Man had offered to take care of those warrants for a… small fee. “And you drank one of Darnold’s gross-ass potions and came out of everything with a fucking sick minigun for a hand. I think you’ll be fine.”

“None of those things mattered.” Gordon said, his hand gripping the wheel tight again. “Nothing matters quite as much as what Joshua thinks of me.”

“Why?” Benrey asked, and for once, Gordon treated the question like it was just a fuckin’ question and not a fucking joke.

“I just - there’s no person I love in this world as much as Joshua. I mean it. He kept me sane through postpartum depression. It’s - some women get super depressed after they give birth. And having Joshua there to smile and laugh when I was down - it was the best thing. He carried me through grad school. There were days when I couldn’t make food for myself, but the thing about a kid? They have to be fed. They - you gotta, gotta make sure they have food otherwise they don’t let you keep custody, even if it’s just over the weekend. And having another mouth to feed meant that I at least ate something in a day. And -”

“You like taking care of people.” Benrey nodded. “It’s just, like, a part of who you are.” 

Gordon was quiet for a minute. “Huh. I guess you’re right.” 

And Gordon gave him another bright smile.

Benrey’s heart wasn’t the same as other hearts, but he felt it give a serious _thud_ , like an old truck engine being turned over for the first time in a long time. Even worse, Gordon heard it. He quirked an eyebrow and looked around.

“Fucking. Yeah, man. Of course I’m right. I’m a damn genius.” Benrey turned back to his window. It was safe. It wouldn’t kill him.

Maybe. 

Because while he was looking out the window, Gordon turned and smiled at him _again_. 

God dammit.

“So Joshie’s your favorite person, huh?” Benrey asked, mostly to himself.

“Yeah. He’s the greatest.” Gordon smirked. Benrey didn’t know what the _fuck_ that was about, but he just brushed it off. Whatever.

“Well, I’m glad you get to see him again. Maybe Bubby would help me get your fucking - Jason taken by the military.”

“No killing.” Gordon said, deadpan and serious. Benrey snickered.

“Nah, man, just gotta like, rough him up a bit. Cut off a leg.”

“No.” Gordon said, turning down _yet another_ side road. How fucking much farther?!

“It’s not worth it to get a bit more time with Joshie-washie?”

“It - no, I’m not considering it.” Gordon said, but Benrey saw the slightest tilt of his lips.

“Poggers. Gonna do it, gonna go - crazy poggers on the guy.”

“Do not.” Gordon said, turning down a different side street - they must be getting close. This was a neighborhood with a lot of big houses, kinda close together, but there were a lot of trees. In the fucking desert? It’s more likely than you think. Not a lot of lawns, though. Benrey looked at the grey stone yards and grey stone exteriors and thought that it looked boring as hell.

“Fukken can’t wait to get back to the apartment.” Benrey sank into his seat. Then he had an idea.

If Jason wanted to be the biggest, baddest motherfucker, he had another thing coming. 

Benrey started subtly stretching in different ways, twisting his legs the wrong way and his elbows out - he knew it grossed Gordon out so he did it so he wouldn’t watch, wouldn’t see the limbs getting longer. He sat forward and pressed his torso towards his legs, only bumping his head a little bit when Gordon suddenly turned. 

“Shit, sorry.” Gordon said, glancing at Benrey. “Didn’t mean to catch you off guard.”

“‘S cool.” Benrey offered. As soon as the car was off, his seatbelt was off and he stood up. He had gotten a bit taller - he was already taller than Gordon normally, but not by much. Now he was about a head taller, probably somewhere close to two meters. He grinned and stretched side to side.

“Come on, and don’t be weird.” 

“I physically, uh, fucking _can’t_.” Benrey hissed in Gordon’s ear as they walked to the front door. He wondered how much Gordon really comprehended about his new state. A lot of his _alien_ qualities were locked up, some twisted parole reward for years down the line when he’d been retrained and on good behaviour for so long that he forgot what it was like to be OP as fuck. 

“Cool. Don’t even try, then.” Gordon rang the doorbell.

Feet rushed through the house - they could both hear muffled shouting and a door close somewhere. Benrey shot Gordon a look and added a few inches to his height, just to be safe. He was glad he always bought big shirts. He went ahead and rolled up the sleeves, though. Number one, he had all sorts of cool scars, and his interactions with kids on video games told him that scars were cool. The other reason was that his sleeves were probably the only part that looked a bit too short on his new body size.

The door was pulled open and a tall - Yeah, Benrey was glad he’d added the extra height. He basically towered over this fucker now. He gave him a not-so-nice grin and followed Gordon into the house.

“Sorry for the delay. Is Joshie ready to head out?” Gordon cocked his head, listening with one ear to the footsteps up the stairs. That’s weird. The house didn’t look like it was two stories from the outside.

“Yeah. Come on to the kitchen.” Benrey followed, nosey fucker that he was. Jason gave him a look, but he returned it with a haughty, disinterested one. He didn’t fucking care what this guy thought of him. He didn’t even see what Gordon might have seen in him, way back when -

“Freeze!” 

Benrey almost reached for a gun he didn’t have anymore, looking for the source of the shout. A little blur shot past him, but it wasn’t a dog. It was a kid. “Freeze!”

“Hey, Joshie, how are you?” Gordon bent down and picked his kid up, no problem, no strain. That kid was pretty tall for his age. How old was he? Eight, nine years old? Ten? He didn’t fucking know.

“I’m good! I missed you!” Holy fucking shit. Gordon’s face was lit up like Benrey had never seen before. He squeezed the kid like he never wanted to let go, and fuck, that almost brought a tear to Benrey’s eye. “I made you something but it’s up in my room.”

“We’ll go up there so they can see in a minute.” The asshole said. “Go get your things. Remember, it’s for a week, so make sure you take enough clothes that fit.” Benrey grit his teeth. He didn’t understand subtext, but he did understand the _stricken_ look on Gordon’s face, even as he faced away from Jason. Good. Even if he pushes your buttons, don’t let the fucker see.

“Right, dad.” Joshie nodded and was set down, and he walked past Benrey with barely a glance. Fuck. No Manners.

“Who’s your friend here?” Jason asked, giving Benrey a sneer. Benrey sneered back, glad - a little proud - to see the effect it had on the other man. Yeah, just because his arms were thicker around than most deli hams didn’t mean Benrey was gonna back down. Just cause he’d been nerfed didn’t mean he wouldn't take him out in a fight.

“Benrey, this is Jason, my ex. Jason, this is Benrey, my roommate.”

“You’re still in that shitty two bedroom?” Jason raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know if I can support Joshua going to your house if he’s not going to have his own space.”

“I was evicted after three months of late rental payments, remember?” Gordon said. “I had to move into a bigger apartment. We’re in a three-bed-two-bath a few streets over.”

Jason _hmph_ ed and busied himself at the fridge, pulling out a beer or something. He held it out to Benrey, who shook his head. “No, thanks.” Benrey said. His voice was absolutely flat. Gordon shot him a look, but didn’t say anything. Jason shrugged and opened the beer, taking a sip.

“Anything else I can get you two?” He asked.

“No, thanks.” Gordon echoed Benrey. “We’ve got to get going soon. Is there anything we need to know about Joshua?”

“Hmph.” Jason grunted and looked away, before turning back. He was probably five inches taller than Gordon, but Gordon stood straighter and held more - dignity? Power? Whatever the fuck it was, it was hot. Benrey licked his lips. “You’d know if you spent more time out of that fucking lab.”

“I’d know if I hadn’t spent three months in a coma and lost my hand. But, here we are.” Gordon said, gesturing. It was a good prosthetic, fingers splaying when he held his hand a certain way. “Any developing allergies? Sickness lately?”

“Yeah, he’s getting that stupid hay fever you used to get. Couldn’t spend the whole week in Kentucky like we used to.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind - any prescriptions, or just children’s benadryl?” Gordon asked.

“Just pills when he needs them.” Jason grunted again.

“God, this is like pulling teeth. Are you going to be helpful or are you going to dawdle? We’ve got funner things to be doing than fellating you all night.”

Gordon looked over his shoulder at Benrey, slowly, ever so slowly.

“Freeze! You’re taking too long!” Joshua ran back into the kitchen, hugging Freeze- Freeman around his middle. “Come look upstairs!”

“Yeah, go on up.” Benrey gave Gordon a smile. And Gordon, against his wishes, went. “We’ll be okay.” His grin was a little too sharp as he watched Gordon go down the hallway and turn for the stairs, but he didn’t look away until Gordon was out of sight.

“I don’t appreciate being spoken to like that in my own house.”

“Your house was bought with Gordon’s money.” Benrey threw out. “While he’s, what, slumming it in a shitty apartment? Thankfully he can afford more now that he has a roommate who doesn’t suck off him like a leech.” Benrey got a bit more coherent when he was mad. It was cool. Like a super power.

“Listen, you-”

“Nah, I don’t think I will.” Benrey smirked. He turned to walk away. “I was wondering, though, like, what the fuck he ever saw in a shitty loser like you. You’re just - you’re fucking weak, bro. I’ve seen Gordon take on literal life-or-death and walk away from hhh-hell like it was nothing. He lost his fucking arm and he - he didn’t say shit, man. I mean, he cussed - but he made it out, just to see Joshua again.”

And that was what had drawn Benrey in, wasn’t it? Gordon never gave up. He kept going. No matter what bullshit he dealt with, he trudged through, willingly and unendingly. He didn’t let his goal out of his sight even once. At Black Mesa, his goal had just been getting out, getting back home, getting to normal. And now he was normal, and even though his brain was fried and he was on a drug cocktail to deal with the CPTSD and depression and all that bullshit, he was wading through it, doing his best to be there for somebody. Just like he’d been there for the Science Team. Just like - Benrey’s heart clenched - just like he’d been there for Benrey, once or twice, before the endgame came and he’d been zapped into a zip drive for whatever the G-Man wanted. _‘You okay?’_ he’d been asked, even if it was just once or twice. 

Sure, he was attracted to Freezeman at the start. That face was cute. It had just grown from there.

“Gordon was a totally different person back then. You wouldn’t recognize them.” Jason said, his voice full of proud bigotry. 

Benrey gave him a sneer, one last parting gift, before he went to the staircase as well. He heard footsteps but didn’t look in Jason’s direction once as he went up to the bedrooms.

“Hey, I was wondering… Woah. Got some Sweet Voice balls up in here.” Benrey looked at the floating balls, wondering which of the two in the room had that ability.

“That’s a planetary mobile, Benrey.” Gordon sighed. Joshua got off his bed and put a little Lego thing down on the table.

“Woah, did you do that? That’s pretty sweet, man.” Benrey walked over and grabbed the model. It was a freaking spaceship - like, a literal boat that had NASA men on it. He flipped a little door and saw a miniature captain’s cabin and the pirate steering wheel even moved. Woah.

“Thanks, Benrey.” Joshua said. “Are we leaving?”

“Yeah, I think it’s time we get out of here.” Gordon stood up, and Benrey put the model down gently. That was Josh’s, and Josh was important to Gordon, so it was important to Benrey. Simple transitive properties.

“Trans.” Benrey said, staring at the boat.

“What was that?” Gordon asked from the doorway. Jason wasn’t standing there, at least.

“Nothing, man. Let’s - let’s go. We’ve got a Dave and Busters to go to.”

“Woah, seriously?!” Joshua shouted and Benrey gave Gordon a smile, robotic, almost sheepish. It dropped as soon as Gordon turned away.

“Okay, if there’s nothing else, I think we’re gonna head out.” Gordon said loudly in the foyer. “Go say bye to your dad, Joshie.”

“Kay.” Joshua disappeared.

“Benrey, don’t you dare go in his room.” Benrey had stopped in between the two doors upstairs, staring at the door across the minute landing.

“Huh? What, no, I didn’t - I wouldn’t think of it.”

“Don’t lie to me, man. I see you.” Gordon tapped his foot and Benrey grudgingly let his hand fall.

“Party pooper.” Benrey said with a grin. Gordon grinned back, against all odds.

Maybe things weren’t so hopeless after all.

The ride back was a lot less talky. It would be more accurate to say that Benrey and Gordon didn’t talk that much - Joshua spent the next two hours filling Gordon in on every little thing, everything from the past six months. He got quiet a few times, but all Benrey had to do was ask a question, like “What is a horse?” before the boy was off again.

Gordon even loosened up a bit. He was laughing at stupid stuff Benrey said, random snippets of whatever he could get out before the topic changed again, shouted from the back seat like a wannabe contestant on The Price Is Right. It was beautiful. Benrey loved watching his face change with the stories, serious when necessary, laughing whenever Joshua told a story that only a kid would think was funny - which was apparently all three of them, because Gordon had been right. Joshua was great. Kid was clever as fuck.

Benrey did his best not to curse, but he slipped up a lot. Gordon eventually explained that Benrey had a lot of bad habits from his job and that he was trying to get over, but not to tell Jason that Benrey was as fluent in foul language as he was - and definitely not that he used it around Joshua. Benrey tried even harder, the pauses in his sentences getting more pronounced as he tried his best to filter out the bad words. He’d have to have Gordon make him a list so he could keep up, because he still got some sharp looks from Gordon with words that he didn’t think were all that bad.

Dave and Busters went off without a hitch. It was a weird, loud place, but Benrey loved it. He and Tommy ran around with Joshua while Dr. Coomer and Bubby and Gordon spoke over by the table. Fucking old men.

“So, Joshua, what do - what do you do for fun, normally?”

“Uh.” Joshua looked at Tommy, all innocence and happy sunshine thoughts. “I like to do sports, and dad and I go fishing sometimes. We go to Kentucky every year for the horse races -”

“That sounds like fun!” Tommy encouraged.

“It is! I got to ride a thoroughbred this year, and next year Dad promised to get me more lessons.” 

“It’s really nice that Mr. Freeman is gonna get you lessons!”

“Oh, no. I meant _D_ _ad_. Freeze doesn’t go to Kentucky with us. He has allergies.”

“Freeze?”

“It’s his, uh, nickname for Gordon.” Benrey said, tossing ball after ball into the center slot of the skeeball machine. It didn’t matter if he was cheating, Bubby was busy distracting all the attendants across the play floor. Gotta get them tix.

“Oh, I see.” Tommy said.

“Gordon is Freeze and Jason is Dad.” Benrey continued. Restating it a different way helped Tommy retain the knowledge. If he didn’t remember it one way, he’d remember it the other. It was how Benrey’s head worked, too.

“Okay. That makes sense.” Benrey did a double take at Tommy. Well, the kid was an orphan, after all. Probably didn’t know much more about the birds and the bees than what he found on Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that anyone could edit.

Joshua was quiet for a minute, just watching Benrey and Tommy cheat a few games. Then he tugged on Benrey’s sleeve.

“I gotta use the bathroom.” He said, staring up at Benrey with Gordon’s big green eyes. Fuck.

“Okay, let’s go.” Benrey took the kid over to the bathroom. What, did you think he was gonna dump him on Gordon? No. He wasn’t done cheating the system yet. Anytime Gordon joined them on the floor he would get in the way of their grand schemes. Their great plans. He couldn’t let Gordon in on this yet, they still had so many tokens. 

“So, like, you okay?” Benrey asked when they reached the bathroom and the kid didn’t do anything for a minute. There were open stalls. Come on, he had shit to win!

“Thanks for explaining.” Joshua said. “When I tell the other kids I have two dads but they’re divorced, they think they’re just gay. They make fun of me for being adopted.” Joshua rolled his eyes. “I don’t care what they think so I just let them think that.”

“Smart fukken kid. Absolute champ.” Benrey held out his hand for a fistbump, smiling when Joshua tapped his knuckles. 

Wait, he had cussed. Fuck.

“Don’t tell your dad. And hurry up, I’ve got shit to win."

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thank you so much for reading! Let me know if you see any errors or glaring inconsistencies. I proofread it once, but that is almost never enough. I might continue this - for now, it's just this. We'll see if inspiration strikes!


End file.
